Sentimentality

5 events.
Same end.
3 learning points

-respect
-natural occurrence
-law of

i’ve been searching for something which cannot be found. been learning something which cannot be learnt.

let nature take its course.

there are many things beyond our control. attempts to rein them would only result in unnecessary frustration, despair and insecurity.

"one usually meets his destiny on the path to avoid it" ————wuguay

thank you gy and jo. your patience with me will pay off.

Let’s see……..
In the past month, we’ve met up more times than we did in the past 2 years.
Aristal,  Esplanade concert , Causeway, great world, and finally, junction 8.
I’m really glad to be able to afford the time for these meetings. Time in the civilian world is a luxury.

arcade
Zinc bag,
dong dae mun street snack,
yami yogurt,
pasta mania,
haagen daz….

This sums up our day at junction 8.

It’s hard to put my complex feelings into words.

It’s almost like we are making up for lost time.

But at the end of the day, I’m really really glad we had the opportunity to meet up to have fun and discuss some really perplexing issues which have been bothering vishak as well as myself.

I know that vis has made many conflicted decisions, but i’m sure that they will turn out awesome. When you have a great mind, you will succeed anywhere, in any realm.

When we have no other choice, we accept our fate and go with the flow.

The Problem of regret and wonder arises when we know that we have the capacity of making the decision. Worse, when the decision is made, we always wonder what would have happened if we had taken the other route.

Vishak and his PR problem, and me and my ocs problem.

But at the end of the day, usually, with regard to such decisions, there is no turning back, and all that is left to do is to carry on walking in the path which we have chosen, without knowing the real outcome, and wondering if we had made the best decision.

I understand. Maybe not fully, but sufficient enough to be enlightened for the moment.

Decisions are the luxury of the powerful and capable, but pain for the undecided.

Just the knowing that being out of that school has given me the opportunity to have all these meetings with vishak, as well as all my brudders, makes it all worthwhile.

I am very thankful.

And Vishak, all the best for your brand new journey in Australia.

popeye’s chicken was reallly good, mm mm. especially guan yi’s mash potatoes. breaking the paradigm of mash tubers baby.

today, it was one of those precious times where all of us could get together.

yl, xc, kl, rb, gy, vj and me! hahahahhahha

yl mentioned something to me which has been bugging me for a while,

and i feel that it is really really really relevant.

we went on the topic of the smile…

and also my inability to seem sincere with what i said, whether i meant it or not

this can be quite a big issue when i comes to grander problems in the future.

to be truthful, i’ve also struggled with problems in seeming sincere for quite some time already.

he mentioned that his wise friend commented that it’s hard to be sincere once u’ve …kind of played too much…and that it’s irreversible

but i think it’s changeble, but it may take time. i know i can change it.

and also about the smile. he said i smiled too much. hmmmmmmmmmmmm

true, i have to admit i feel i’m smiling more than the average person for the obvious reason that i’m amused or happy.

then i realised that there’s many schools of thought regarding the smile.

some say that smiling too much makes one less credible

some say smiling more makes one happier

some say smiling more makes one seem warmer and more approachable

some say smiling more may etc etc etc……….

maybe i am smiling too much, till it may seem inappropriate, cheeky, or insincere.

whatever the case, i will be observing more closely on the effects of the smile very very soon.

dun worry, i’ll solve this issue.

right now, i’ve realised i’ve been extremely ungrateful for all the A’s i’ve gotten, and i have all the people around me to thank for it.

i’m glad i’m reborn out of this self doubt.

there wasn’t really anything to doubt in the first place, really. i have no idea how i fell into that state of mind. but well, things happen, and many of times, it’s better to learn how to get out of such states asap, lest they consume you.

many thanks to the losing fish for the encouraging letter.

and, i feel that many aspects of yl’s mindset and outlook has inadvertently rubbed off on me, and that’s more or a bad thing than good, i think.

gotta shake it off man.

been turning down waaaay too many meetings and outings…and i’m beginning to feel guilty bout it.

I cried while eating today
i’ve thought about this for a really long time…

i realised the that it means NOTHING.
Something i believe in so strongly,
old man and old lady just comes comes around saying it won’t make the cut

it sucks when people strip you of your identity,
it sucks when people give no respect to your results
it sucks when they try to make you feel like you’re just like one of  the others
it sucks when people give you no credit…..

feelings are not a choice….

i feel sad

i feel disgruntled

most of all, i feel like i’m just like one of the others…..mediocrity

i feel MEDIOCRE

sometimes i ask myself if i’m expecting and asking for too much. maybe i’m competing out of my league, maybe i dunno my limits. maybe i cannot do what i think i can do. i always aim high.

then sometimes i look back… maybe i should just aim low and get what i know i can do…maybe i should just settle for second-best……….

maybe i should just try to lead a normal life, get a normal education, get a normal job, get a normal income…………………………..

maybe i should just thread safely on the ground, forget about building wings to fly!

maybe i should always play it safe…………………….aim for what i can get.

maybe i screwed up my studies in JC.

yup…i screwed it up BIG time.

all the A’s mean NOTHING

everybody pins down on the sole B from PW.

it’s all about the B

it’s because of that one B, that separates good from great

it’s because of that one B, that separates EVERYONE

the world revolves around the B

when people see the B, they forget about A’s and distinctions,

they get tunnel vision and B’s fly all over the place

they tell you ur results CAN"T make it.

i feel mediocre

i feel sad…………………………..

not many would understand how this feels

not many

everybody says "cheer up" , "there’s always next time"

but they don’t understand the feeling of having mediocrity strangling you, suffocating you.

i fear mediocrity………..

i try to run away from it, but day by day, there’s a feeling that it’s catching up slowly by steadily.

i’m sleepy and sad

Many times in my life,
I’ve achieved results i’ve never thought possible
the heart desperately wants it to be so,
but the head uses logic to bring the expectations down.

As far as i can remember…..the most impressionable
3R competition from primary school
NSC from secondary school
O lvls
A lvls………………………………..

even now, the idea of having such results seem almost unreal. Almost as if it wasn’t done by me; which is quite true, since i’ve met many many good people who lent their valuable help.

NSC was unreal, but A’s was just amazement…pure amazement and happiness and relief.

I think i’ve a lot of people to thank for the person i’ve become today.

These people are special, rare…extraordinary

I try to bring as many of these people along with me, and i never seek to walk in front.

we shall walk side by side….

when i look back at all the achievements, all the results…I look at them with a warmth in my heart, knowing that it wasn’t done alone.

Seeing the impossible becoming possible, has instilled me with much courage, boldness and self believe.

But i know that there is once thing to avoid, with as much effort as possible…

ARROGANCE

This trait was imbued in myself in the earlier years of sec sch, reappeared in JC1 and it is now beginning to show signs of a reappearance.

I know. I see it coming.

Maybe it is the way that NJC works, maybe this is the first time in 2 years i’ve gained any academic validation… validation i so desperately sought to achieve.

Now that this validation has been obtained, i put my hand on my chest and say:

Looks like i’ve never really lost it aye….

The thing is, i did, i did lose it, and for quite a while too.

I’m thankful i gained it back before it was too late, and i’m hoping it stays with me for life this time.

If there’s any big, groud breaking lesson i’ve learnt, it’s….

I can achieve anything, but i need to stay grounded and humble.

May the postings be fair…

alright, looks like the times really here.

to my gang of brothers! : thank you for the well wishes!

to my friends: thank you for your care!

to my family: thank you for being my family (there’s no better one in e world)

this journey will be tough and everything, but i’m not walking it alone. i’ll be fighting inner demons i’ve never seen before, but i’m not fighting them alone.

i noe i have great people behind me, people who i noe are the reason i am who i am.

let’s go!!

so i went back to swiss to meet up with the science and tech gang. by the way, i dropped by shuyu’s desk and she showed me around e place. had a short chat with the aspiring relief teacher and i realised that she’s really still at level 1 haha.

meeting all the science and tech junior was awesome, i had a great time crapping with them!

next, i met up with all the guys baby!
had awesome time ganging up on sameer!
and jos and i went gaming.
i’m glad jos had such a desire to learn and improve.
i can really see him becoming even more proficient than myself in a while
kudos to jos for being my first student in this art.
for all i know, i’ll be learning some stuff from him instead! haha

excellent sets and plenty of ioi’s nice.
sadly, we had to disqualify many sets due to , well, lack of basic quality.
pity, but we had to move on to the next!
i still feel very rooted to swiss because of all the wonderful teachers there! nice!!

next, our group, 6 of us, xc, km, gy, xy, xy and myself went to subway. and i was smart enough to order foot long.what was i thinking. my appetites not too good for carbs.

i’m very freaked out by girls with too thick foundation, unsuitably rebonded hair and  and unsuitable contacts. i dun like it at all. in fact, i’m seriously turned off. thak god i managed to down 98% of my subway. guys, i know u all can’t stand me saying this, but thank goodness the night wasn’t ruined by it. :D:D:D:D:D

oh, and we met up with the pro kl! wearing a spanky office suit! haha not bad at all
then we bounced to je, watch avp2.
crappy, by our standards, but still  the whole point was doing it as a group.
arcade!!! real nice. my vt’s up a notch!
xc seems to have a talent in the dancing thing!! next time we’ll get him to do it again!

played drums
nice! sweeeeeet.

then, we had a mudpie gathering and basically talked loads. i’m glad i could hear some new interesting articles and well as share my recently acquire knowledge.

that just about sums up my last with my civilian-remaining gang before my enlistment. it was excellent, and i can’t be more fulfilled and more satisfied!!!!!

GREAAAT!!!!!!!!
AWESOME!!!!!!!
hahahahahahahahahahaha! I’m very VERY pleased right now!!!!
Very pleased indeed!

great lunch at swensons!!!! with family!!! awesome!!!! gosh , student meal goes at 10 bucks, i better go more often ! SWEEEEEEEEEET.

Awesome outing with kl!!! played virtual tennis and guess what? James blake’s the man!!!!

we went to cafe galilleeeeeeee to have a chocolate spin! very chocolatey!!! but still i do prefer the belgian chocolate from coffee bean and the peppermint frappe from starbucksssssssssss! yep yep.

next stop was KFC!!! of course, i didn’t wanna stuff myself too much and bought the 3 buck meal, gosh, it used to be 2.90 lor!!! inflation!!!!!!

then kl and i talked so much at the cafe, sweet ambience man!!!!! SWEET! really enjoyed. nowadays, i like to just stop by a nice cafe and enjoy!! haha looks like i’ve acquired some $$$$ taste. basically, i now pay for ambience and service :):)

well kl and i talked so much bout the ?????? in our lives, and when i brought up the concept of ASD, BOOOOOM!!!! light bulbs went bursting in our heads baby!

ASD, thats the lesson of the day. SWEEEEEEET

thanks kl!!!!! sometimes, you really say stuff which BLOW lightbulbs off in my head!!! especially the issue regarding THAT!! nice.

when i was backed home, talked to xy for a long long time man. give or take 2 hours!! nice!!! in the mean time, i’ve learnt tonnes from you, my gosh, we really need to hang out more often!!! nice!!!! You’re like, THE most understanding and analytical gal!!!! niceeeeeeeee!!!!

well, thanks to xy, every remaining ????? in my head is BLOWN out of the window!!!! wahahahahaahahaha!!! world, watch out!!! the ????? buster is coming at you!!!

well, of course my whooole fams really pissed i’m using the phone so much nowadays, but, landline’s cheap!! ahah. wayyyyyy better than cell phone bills.

well, as for today, thank you kl, thank you xy. nice!!!!!!!!!!!!! Today is the day where all the ??????? goes WAY OUT!!!!!

I’m very very pleased!

5 more days give or take, till conscription!

i’m quite pleased actually to be writing this post.
why? because basically, i’ve done everything i’ve wanted and planned to do after the A’lvls and i’m very very fulfilled.

movies, games, outings, coffee talks, tennis, badminton, hanging out, drinking, eating, sleeping, talking, slacking……………………………………………………………………………………
i’ve done all these

of course! i do have other plans! BUT, all these would come in play after ns. but for now, i’m very very fulfilled, so fulfilled that i’m actually at a bit of a loss on what to do next! hahahahahahahahaha

i believe that our gang has once again bonded together on a higher level, i beleive that old friendships has once again been rekindled! one thing i’m very very proud of is that i’ve managed to turn a couple of lost friendships into very pleasant ones indeed:D

i’ve spoken to my gang, my wonderful senior, my uncle, my dad and everybody about army, and indeed, i’m looking forward to it not in an overly gungho chiong ping kia kind of way, but in a calm, but yet optimistic way. in short, sanguine!

wonderful! i believe i have drank like twice more premium mocha/belgium chocolate in this one month than i’ve ever did in my whole entire life! i’m looking forward to drinking more! however, it’s an expensive taste, and it’ll be prudent to acquire such taste later on in life than now, but who cares?

i’ve eaten a lot of ice cream, at home, at anderson’s at seoul garden, especially seoul garden!!!!!! a lot and a lot of peppermint!

i’ve watched more anime in this month than probably any other time in my life—- i effectively covered the entire BLEACH story from soul society to hueco muendo.
i’ve finished claymore, i’ve finished code geas, naruto is coming out at the speed of a snail though. yup yup, i’m appreciating anime! haha

then there’s arcade, yep yep, i’ve spent a lot on arcade mostly on virtual tennis 3, which i’m really quite addicted to, but seriously, i suspect i’ll need to buy the game to completely master it. but still, it’s good fun!

there aren’t many good flicks recently, and i’m glad i caught the one i’ve always wanted to catch—i am leeeeegend!! one flick shld be good enough!
hmm maybe i’ll catch avp 2!!!! but then again, i’m content with the movie i’ve watched.

i’ve said i’ll start facebook, hmmm, i think druv told me to i think. and i did! hundreds of friends online acquired, not bad. but now, i think it’s a complete waste of time :S from the bottom of my heart, i’m losing interest in all e poking nonsense, but, you know, haha! at least i’ve gotten sick of it!

tennis? yep, we’ve really done our fair share of tennis this hols! the main attraction would be the food at the canteen which came afterwards! i love the time!!!! makes me really wonder if i’ll ever be a student there! sooooo near yet so far!

yep, so this looks like the end of my hols folks! maybe i’ll try to catch a flick with the guys on tuesday night? we’ll see!

but you know what——————-

i’m really glad i’ve done just about everything i ever wanted to do for this hols and i’m a fulfilled person! very fulfilled indeed.

to be fulfilled to to not know what to do next and feel happy at the same time!!!!!

ahhhhh, another great day at boon lay, and for the first time, it was the original gang at jp. not bad not bad, it’s called buddy meal for a reason haha! anyways, i am legend is such a heart stopper la, wow, when the guy kept banging e glass, it was scary like hell!

hmmm, maybe we should have walked to get the table tennis table instead of the badminton court? yep yep, we haven’t played tt for a loooong time.

greatest congratulations goes to yl who just got EAGLES award, which is really something cool and to be proud of! sometimes, maybe yl has to come to terms that he is THE OWNER 8================D !! hahahahaahhaahahaha

and there’s =I::::::::> and what else? hahahaha!

well, back to more serious stuff, i realised, that there’s alot of sadness in the world. and a lot of this sadness and sorrow is actual something which doesn’t really need to be there. what i’m saying is some people make themselves sad for the hell of it. they seem to get a kick out of it and really love people knowing that they’re sad. maybe they derive happiness from letting people know that.
sometimes, it’s amazing how come some people can sound incredibly sad in their blog posts, and i get a little sick reading them. seriously. because the issues they talk about are really stuff all of us are facing like bgrs, friends and stuff.
you know what, i should really stop reading sad people’s blog, cuz they make me sick, even digusted. yep, that’s what i’m gonna do. i’m so gonna stop reading them.
you know, from the blogs i read, i’ll say like over 50% of them out there are depressed over stuff like: going through a breakup, not getting a girl, hating themselves, complaining about themselves, feeling that they are monsters etc etc etc……..

you know, i used to blog about some stuff and that was a while ago. but the thing is, once you put things into perspective, and really weigh whats important to you and whats not, these petty things do not even register on the bloody scale! seriously, there are WAY more important issue out there for us to go tackle and some people let these petty issues weigh them down. thank goodness none of my gang are guilty of such sins! JIA YOU!

anyway, i believe, maybe recently, that happiness and content is really a matter of choice. you choose to be sad or happy, happy or sad. no one can make you happy, not your hot gf,(ok, maybe for a while), not you rich dad, not your new ferrari IF you do not want to be happy. you see, that’s why happiness is really sooo elusive, because you don’t find it, you choose it! yep yep. i’ve spoken to gals, who are pretty, smart and wdv, but think that they are fat, stupid, not up to standard or wdv. i’ve spoken to guys who complain about their lack of physique and refuse to enter the gym! there are such people, and you know what? this kind of people have are not worth anybody’s time, so sorry.

on the other hand, there are people working their guts out to achieve their aims and goals and aspirations! there are scrawny guys out there working their guts out everyday to get strong, there are people who are studying bloody hard just get grades. these are the people we shld really look up to! these are the people we shld gain insight from and respect! people who just sit down complain about how sad they are and remain sad, insecure, self derogatory, self pitying should really look in the mirror and give themselves a tight slap! that’s the truth.

seriously people, put things into perspective and be happy.

so there’s my quote for today: —- happiness is not a state, its a choice.

keep that in mind.:D